THINGS I HAVE LEARNED WHILE IN SPAIN, vol. I
(I hope you can note the sarcasm in some of these statements)
- If lost, ask the oldest person you can find for directions. They are so happy that you bothered to speak to them, they will tell you everything you need to know in great detail, plus the history of every building along the way. Younger people however, seem to think they have better things to do.
- It is entirely acceptable, nay, expected, for a woman to add 20-30min to her trip or pay bus fare to any given place in the name of wearing fashionable shoes.
- If a Spanish woman asks if you are hungry, and you are in deed starving, you should respond with “Just a little, I just need a snack.” If you really are just a little hungry and only want a little bit of food, you should respond with “No, I couldn’t eat another bite.” Otherwise, you will be stuffed until you explode.
- Everything is twice as old as the United States.
- There is no need to make men’s pants in sizes above a 28” waist in Spain, because apparently all Spanish men either do not eat or have fantastic metabolisms to deal with their Spanish mothers shoving food down their throats.
- The Simpsons is a children’s television show that comes on with Saturday morning cartoons and after school specials.
- Crosswalks are only a faint suggestion to the elderly as to where one should actually cross the street. In fact, just because the little green crosswalk guy light is on doesn’t mean that the path of travel is actually stopped in any way, it is more of a yield signal to drivers who in fact encounter a yellow light, not red.
- Driving on sidewalks is a perfectly acceptable means of completing a U-turn or just navigating traffic in general.
- Anyone who misses the Formula One races must either be dead or insane.
- Just because a sign in a building indicates that your destination is in a certain direction does not necessarily mean that it will be there, or even in the same building at all.
- A humid 65 degrees F is in fact sweater and parka worthy weather.
- If class starts at 2pm, that means you should start thinking about walking over in that general direction around 2ish.
- Classes have minds of their own, and in fact change rooms, times, days, etc without warning or notice.
- Apparently us Americans have been singing the famous soccer chant all wrong. It is not “Oleeeee ole ole ole!” It is in fact, “oh-ehhh oh-eh oh-eh oh-eh!” “Ole” is reserved for bullfights.
No comments:
Post a Comment